Why Cognitive Decline is Twice as Difficult

When an older loved one begins experiencing cognitive decline - forgetfulness, losing and misplacing things, confusion - you may be mildly concerned, but write it off as a "senior moment" and not think too deeply into it. Indeed, all of us experience these

moments from time to time. But when they become frequent and predictable, it may be time to seek medical attention. This article from AARP describes common signs of advancing cognitive decline; take a look and see if it fits your situation.

Here's where it gets tricky. Cognitive decline typically increases gradually, and your loved one may think they're fine, even after they've expressed concerns to you in the past; he's unaware that he's lost his keys twice this morning already, or she denies that she has repeated the same story within the half-hour. I've had older people ask me, "Will I know if I'm losing my marbles?" While everybody is different and there's no set response to this very important question, the answer is - probably not. Therefore, when you're trying to talk to your loved one about how they need to get help with things like taking medications on time, or giving up the car keys because they keep getting lost, or any of the issues we see again and again, they may not be receptive to the message - not because they're being stubborn, but truly because they don't see that there's a problem. It's a self-perpetuating loop of bad outcomes.

If you see this to be the case in your situation, you may need outside help to get the message to your loved one that they need assistance. Some ideas include gathering a few trusted friends along with an authority figure like a doctor or pastor, and gently holding an intervention with your loved one. Tell them the things you have witnessed; be specific, and make sure the other friends or family members cite examples too. Emphasize that you care about them and have their health and safety as the top priority - and you're not trying to boss them around.

They may come to agreement with you quickly - or it may take more time and a couple outreaches from everyone to get the message across. If cognitive decline is more advanced, the loved one may not remember the previous intervention attempts, and it can be like starting at square one each time. Frustrating as it may be, don't give up. Keep trying to reach them, with love.

And if your loved one has declined to such a degree that they are in danger to themselves or others, don't hesitate to engage professional help in the form of a doctor or EMT if warranted, and local law enforcement if that is appropriate. Speak with their care team to find the appropriate means to provide the best care. If the loved one has a power of attorney (POA) in place, engage with the personal representative during this process. And if there's not a POA, get legal counsel to find the best options. Professionals like the Strand Senior Living team have experience in many of these situations, and can help recommend legal and medical experts when needs are beyond our work boundaries.

For more resources, view my post on LinkedIn about creating agency as you age, along with a daughter's clever method to help her parents.